I’d like to apologise to the guy riding the blue Coppi, wearing blue knicks, black leg warmers and an orange/yellow long-sleeve jersey.

I’m very sorry for injuring you.

(cue music “I’d hate to be you” sung to the tune “It had to be you”)

Yes, I’m very sorry for ‘bruising your ego’.

It must be very painful for you to run all those red lights and still have a guy like me pass you, repeatedly.

I’d like to thank you for getting me to work a bit quicker this morning but if you could perhaps just run a few less lights I could remain in my aerobic hr zone as I’m supposed to.

I’m curious as to whether or not you race? If you do, do you take shortcuts during a race?

Maybe you cut through the infield on the track or through the buildings at Glenvale? I’m sure you think performance enhancing drugs are okay to use too?

I pretty certain you are the same guy I chased from Ringwood to Camberwell some time ago in the Fitzroy knicks. Obviously you haven’t learnt your lesson. I’ll just keep embarassing you by riding past your slow arse until you do. Ya know, if you stopped at lights you might have to pedal a bit harder to start rolling again – think of the training benefit – you might actually get faster!

Fsck it.. I don’t really care if you run red lights, I’m just tired and grumpy, just don’t do it in front of me and expect me to let you go..