Room 1:
Matt Darey, Graham Gold, John O Callaghan, Ronski Speed, Ehren Stowers, Liquideyes, Matt Lock
Room 2 (Cheeky People & PreHab):
Ramsden, Mr Chip b2b DJ Boris, David Irvine b2b Chuck Watts, David Murtagh b2b Gary Optim, Funky Frankie
The Soundshaft
(back entrance of Heaven nightclub)
Hungerford Lane, London, WC2
10pm-7am
Met Dan and a bunch of his friends/workmates at The Volunteer. It was Sophie’s last night working there (aww!). I got drunk. It helped to dull the pain caused by my new Doc Marten work shoes that are currently cutting holes in my feet. I’ve got Elastoplast, polypro socks and thick cotton socks on just so I can walk without limping too much!
Dan had emailed me earlier in the day about a trance party tonight. I wasn’t too keen on going out but once pissed I was more easily convinced.
Headed home to remove the killer Docs (Leo has the same model/size shoe and his fit MUCH better!?!) and managed to enter one of my all-too-common-now depressive states.
These seem to sneak up on me and suddenly nothing in my life is good, everything is bad. These spells of depression seem worse the happier I was the day before.
It doesn’t seem to matter how well I’m actually doing in life, my brain just can’t see it, the darkness rolls in and nothing I have or do is worth a pinch of sh1t.
I get so down I’m thinking of suicide and how much weight would be lifted once I was dead. How nice it would be to rid my brain of all its negativity and self-loathing, clear away all the doubt and worries.
Click. Blank. Empty. Peace. Like a TV being switched off.
Of course I’m too proud or too weak to actually do it. Then, of course, I beat myself up about being a pussy for that too! My brain is truly a cnut to me sometimes..
Bet you weren’t expecting this self-analysis rubbish when you started reading the post! :S
After some train and taxi dodging a bunch of us were at Soundshaft: Dan, “Leeds” Paul, Paul’s mate Matt, Matt’s GF and Dan’s workmate Paul.
It’s now Saturday night and I haven’t actually gone to bed from Friday night yet (40+hrs goin”ard), so I can’t be arsed typing much about the night.. but..
What I will say is this: I went from being totally, utterly miserable to having one of the best nights out. Ever.
I’m so glad I ended up going, rather than sitting at home drowning in self-pity, wanting to smash all the “happy” people into gutters.
Our little posse went nuts, along with the crowd! You guys fscking rock! The music was awesome. The crowd was brilliant and totally into it. Everything was fantastic. Such a change from the state I was in a few hours earlier.
Dan, you are a total fscking legend and a fantastic mate. I hope you remember most of what I told you because I might’ve been smashed but I know what I said and it all holds true. Without you I reckon I’d have done myself some harm by now. Oh, I’ll have a look at that back wheel when I can ๐
Harsh post, maybe, but I feel better getting some of this crap out. Consequences? I don’t care. Readers, you may relax. Now? I need some sleep.
๐ I’m sorry you felt bad, but I’m glad you feel better now. Life seems to suck sometimes. It’s the lowest lows that make the highs so high.
I’d give up the high highs if it meant I could ditch some of the lows.
The truly screwed part is the fact I have no real reason to be miserable – knowing people are out there just fighting to survive while I live comfortably makes me feel like a whinging arsehole.
Hang on, I AM a whinging arsehole.
Ah, goody, case closed.
Seriously dude, you don’t have to deal with the black dog by yourself. See a GP – depression’s a medical condition and the doctor can help.
I don’t want to sound preachy, but your post scared me man.
Stu mate, I’ve known you now for at LEAST 5 years, and you’re one of the most awesome people I know. Like I said to you the other night, I have no time for arseholes/idiots/wankers/etc, and you my friend are DEFINITELY NOT one of those. This is why I am always slapping you around, getting you to come out with me, coz there’s nothing better than a bit of social therapy (well, in my books anyway), and I love having you around. It is, and always will be, a pleasure knowing you mate.
And no, I didn’t forget what you said the other night, even though I was also well-cooked.
And no, I haven’t forgotten that you said you’d fix the bike either… ๐
And don’t forget what I said to you the other night either. I was in your position once. It’s hard to stay positive, but having good friends around me pulled me through it. That’s what I’m here for too mate. Never feel you can’t tell me anything, aiiight?!?!
Rock on buddy! =)
Thanx Dan, we certainly appreciate your being there and your words.
kniggets, get your sorry, lazy arse back to Melbourne .. Glenvale awaits the unleashing of the aboc flying 200 champion! We’ve got a C grade leadout train in need of a sprinter!
I’d love to race Glenvale. It owes me more wins! The weather is nicer too ๐
I need more reasons to return though. I have much to see and do in Europe first.