7:00: Put on the Courier Systems jersey for that ‘company pride’ feeling (read: I lose my bonus if I don’t wear their uniform)

8:00: Leave Ealing, heading into slightly damp weather that fines up beautifully during the day.

8:30: Try radio to “log in” at Marble Arch

9:00: Move position so my radio is actually received by controller and sign on

9:30: First job

How it works..

My number is called over the radio by Tom, the controller.

I respond by radioing my number back.

The controller then tells me to pickup from Address A.

I reply with “Roger” when I understand all the details.

The Controller also sends an SMS to my phone (actually Mei-Ling’s phone because my 25quid repair job didn’t “hold” and the screen is now unreadable) with rough pickup and delivery details, ie. street names and postcodes but no street numbers. The extra detail is found on the package being delivered, funnily enough.

Getting the package involves a frantic search through the London A-Z to find the pickup location. Followed by frantic riding. Then, frantic searching. Frantic riding. Frantic searching. Repeat ad naseum.

Once I finally make it to Address A I get the package. But.. not before: locking up out the front, turning off my radio, going inside and being told the postroom is out the back, walking around the back, passing through all manner of security checks, signing in with my callsign, etc., telling the postroom dude what the delivery address is and then making my way back to the bike with the package. Luckily, they aren’t all like that and once I know where the mailroom is I don’t go to the front door first.

With the package on board I radio my callsign, Controller replies with my callsign and then I say “POB” and perhaps the location of the pickup. POB stands for Package On Board. If another job has come up nearby, the Controller might tell me to go get the second package rather than dropping the first item straight away. For example, I left one place and was around the corner when I was called back to the same place for another package. The security guy was nice and let me up the elevator without having to sign-in a second time.

Some packages are “Priority” which need to be done before any others. “Priorities” attract a bonus and with the rates I’m on and my cluelessness with London navigation and riding I need all the help I can get!

Repeat the stressful scouring of the A-Z maps and then hopefully end up at the correct destination in a reasonable timeframe. I can say without fear that none of my deliveries were within reasonable timeframe!

Hand over the package (again, finding the courier entrance, if it exists) and collect a signature and printed name. These are important – without a signature and name I don’t get paid for the delivery.

At this time I also complete the other details on the job sheet – Source Company/Address, Destination Company/Address, Delivery Time, Number of items.

There could be multiple items leaving one address and they might all go to a single delivery address or they might go all over London.

The pushbike crew work mostly in W2, W1, EC1, EC2, EC4 and SE1.

I managed a whopping (not) 8 jobs for the day. Now I know why you should “know” London before starting this caper – more time is wasted with slow navigation than riding.

I met another guy from the same company and we chatted for a bit. He was from Italy and I ended up following him to get to “18 Hatfields”, my delivery address – thanks for that man!

You may now call me a total hypocrit.

For years I’ve defended legal riding practises – stopping at red lights, etc.

I think I broke every law in the book!

I was so frickin’ slow with directions that I’d try anything to deliver quicker. This involved running reds, riding on footpaths, riding the wrong way down one-way streets and so on. The stupid thing is, commuters here do it all the time. At first I was all legal but with the pressure to deliver I caved and turned into one of those urban cowboy types that couriers tend to be viewed as.

My only accident for the day wasn’t even my fault! It was a straight road with a high gutter and a fence on my left. A bus passed me and then moved left.. INTO ME! “Fuuuckkkkinnnnngggg hhhheeeelllllll!!!!” I was thinking (shouting?) as my handlebars were ground into the side of the bus. I couldn’t go anywhere else! Even if I could’ve bunnyhopped the curb (doubt it) there was a fence! Thankfully I didn’t stack but it was a bit nerve-wracking ya know? (So were the other 8hrs, 59min, 50sec!)

Around lunchtime I was thinking “this is really sh1t! I wanna go home now”. I mean, I earned about 20quid but it took all day! I could get an admin job that paid triple that amount and be nice and safe and warm. There is quite a bit of idle time and when there is a job it’s high stress trying to find the names in the stupid A-Z and then deal with the fscking ridiculous one-way streets to get anywhere. By the end of the day though, I got more jobs and didn’t have time to think about how crap it was. I think I even started to enjoy myself – it’s a rush diving between bus and taxi, looking out for the motorbike that wants to do the same thing and then at the last second veering around some jaywalking pedestrian. Adrenalin junkies would love it! I need skinnier handlebars!

In the afternoon I met another courier, from a different company, delivering to the same place. Called Andy (I think), he was talkative and friendly, watching my bike, telling me about the courier hangouts and how they all help each other if something goes down or they have a mechanical. Maybe it was a “first day” bonus but I didn’t receive any of the attitude that I’d read about newbies copping in ‘primarily US’ messenger articles/books.

6:00pm: After the pbike channel was swapped to the mbike channel I got confused so rang in and said “What’s the go with signing off??”

“You can go home now. See you tomorrow?”

Oh, right, tomorrow, um.. do I have to? :S

The speed at which I rode home made it obvious that most of my time wasn’t spent riding. There was also a substantial amount of adrenalin flowing which helped my commuter clobbering.

Made it home with about 75k on the clock for the day. I was stuffed!

I’d eaten 1 banana, 1 Snickers and 1 Starbucks caramel slice (only because I needed to use their toilets and felt bad about doing so without buying something – the chick looked right at me! Damn, guess I’m NOT shame-free!).

For the whole day I’d put down 1.5 bidons of water.. no wucking funder I was dehydrated when I got home!! I can’t drink because I can’t pee so I get badly blurred vision and headaches. I’m going to suss out the Maccas and pubs that don’t kick up a stink if I use their toilets without buying anything. This will mean I can drink! I’m also going to sort out some kind of food so I don’t have to rely on overpriced city food.

Oh yeah, I said “Yep, see you tomorrow”..