Little Johnny came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.

Christmas was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. “Mum, I want a bike for Christmas”.

Little Johnny was a bit of a troublemaker. He had got into trouble at school and at home. Johnny’s mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for Christmas. Little Johnny, of course, thought he did. Johnny’s mother, being a Christian woman, wanted him to reflect on his behaviour over the last year, write a letter to God, and tell him why he deserved a bike for Christmas.

Little Johnny stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.

Dear God,

Your friend, Johnny.

Johnny knew this wasn’t true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.

Dear God,

Thank you, Johnny.

Johnny knew this wasn’t true either. He tore up the letter and started again.

Dear God,

Your friend, Johnny.

Johnny knew he could not send this letter to God either. Johnny was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mother he wanted to go to church. Johnny’s mother thought her plan had worked because Johnny looked very sad. “Just be home in time for dinner,” his mother said.

Johnny walked down the street to the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. He picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary, slipped it under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into his house and up to his room. He shut the door and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Johnny began to write his letter to God:

I’VE GOT YOUR MUM. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE F***ING BIKE.

Signed: YOU KNOW WHO.

Moral of the story: If someone asks you for a bike, give them one, before they end up in prison. 😉