Here,

here,

or here tonight.

Life’s tough for techno heads in Berlin… 😉

Moved gear from Hotel Schanzenstern to Instant Sleep just up the road. Checkin not until 3pm though so I had to wait before I could pile it all onto my bed.

Took rear wheel to “Cycle Point” on Schanzenstrasse. The dude said it’s cheaper if he gets just the rim, so in the shop, I ripped the tyre, tube and rimtape off it before handing it over. He was nice and let me use the workshop to wash all the brake dust and grime off my hands. Added 15euro to my mobile phone prepay account. Had a 2.50euro salad from the bakery opposite the Teletime net cafe. Raining lightly now.

There’s a couple of techno club nights on: Kurhotel, Docks Club. Docks Club had a funny drink promo – 1euro drinks until someone has to use a toilet! 🙂 I asked the receptionist at the hostel and found more options with some slightly better magazines. The free mags don’t have as many listings as the 1euro “Prinz” (or was it “Szene”?) mag. Bear this in mind if you think nothing is on in Hamburg!

This hostel has a wicked common area where heaps of people hang out. I spotted some guys playing cards so trundled on up and asked what they were playing. “Ultimate” was the Irishman’s reply. I watched and eventually joined in. The game is mental! It’s a combo of Snap, Switch, Sandwich and probably some more. I just can’t add quick enough nor put the “snapping” rules into play quick enough to compete with the two Irish guys (Colin and his brother). We start playing “Bullshit” which is an easier game for me (speed not required).

Eventually we are joined by Kelly from Melbourne, Jess and Lauren from Sydney, a guy from Israel who’s name I forget now, Paul, a programmer, from California, Casey from the USA, a guy from Pittsburg, a guy from Spain who is living in Finland, games programming, and another chick from the States and one from Brazil! Did you get all that?!

I ran off down the street to pickup my wheel. 13euro for the true – nice! Put it back together and washed up in the shop again and rushed back to the hostel. Hey, I wasn’t going to waste valuable drinking and shit-talking time!

The dude from Pittsburg gave me an “Astra” brew so when Israel was going down the street to get wine I handed him a 10’er for some beers. Jess even had a set of UNO cards!! which also got played.

Eventually we were all nicely drunk and decided to head down to the infamous “Reeperbahn“, Germany’s equivalent of Amsterdam’s Red Light District.

The Reeperbahn similar to ‘dam with heaps of dodgy strip clubs, sex shows, sex toy stores, porno stores, etc, etc. An obvious difference is the women that line the street. Initially I didn’t twig, but once you walk passed 10 women leaning against buildings, alone, at night, ding! Oh, right! As soon as I realised they were all working girls they started approaching us (the guys in the group). “Wanna come up stairs?” “30 euro isn’t too much, is it?” “You can spare some time with me can’t you honey?” etc.. They’ll even grab you on the arse and stand in your way and stuff. Quite a bit more “in your face” than ‘dam.

We were on a mission to find the street that is blocked off at both ends with steel gates and where women (and men under 18) are banned from entering.

“Go to the street near Burger King, second on the right” we received from some strip club guy Casey had asked. The girls waited in Maccas while the guys wandered into the Reeperbahn‘s “sealed section”.

“Ahh so this is where they keep the red light windows..”

It was a relatively quiet street that was choccas with red light windows. There was no one at the gates so I figure women and kids could still get in? Maybe there’s a cop watching CCTV all night, ready to pounce on them?

The women were better, in my opinion, than the ones in Amsterdam. Some of them were positively gorgeous. I assume they have a suitably adjusted price tag, but I wasn’t going to find out!

We grabbed some more beers from some of those little convenience type stores and headed back to the hostel for some very serious rounds of… Connect Four!

The others were now busy going to bed or being sick (yeah, I saw you guys! :P) but I headed down the street to find Bar 227 which had “Vorspiel” (a techno night) on. Sounded wicked from outside and I was pumped.. until I realised that I couldn’t afford the 4euro cover charge! Four-fricking-euro and I just don’t have it! Skint! Shite! Nooooo!

I tried desperately to find a Geldautomaat (ATM) but by the time I did it was 4am and the club was going to close at 6am. I spent the money on a “Doner mit Frites” with a lovely 2005 Chateau de Fanta instead. Bed.

Bakery goodies and some coffee and trundled (drunkenly, probably) around the Schanzenviertel area. I like these dingy, grafitti-covered areas. There’s so much interesting art to see and no suits into their daily grind. Graf, stencil art, posters, stencilled posters, people with so many piercings they are more machine than man (or woman). It’s a place where a bum like me probably doesn’t look out of place (like Amsterdam). Bikes here are plentiful and heaps more interesting than the million “Holland” bikes in NL. Roadies, MTB’s, cruisers, hacks, new and old, modded and vanilla..

The yellow Deutsche Post bikes are funky! They have large racks front and rear with bags in both. The front has bars going down to a crossbar behind the front wheel. On the crossbar are smaller wheels either side of the front wheel. So, you stop pedaling and the bike wont tip over because it’s has these extra wheels! Noice!

Almost hit a car yesterday. I mean, I can totally understand a driver not being able to see 100 kilos of red and yellow, lycra-clad cyclist on the bike path! Here’s a tip: Driving? Open your eyes!

Wrote a letter to Grant and Sheila, so they can pick up my parcel, whilst sitting in “Balzac” cafe drinking iced coffee. Yeah, I was in “Ball Sack” cafe for coffee..

When I posted it, I was assisted by a staffer. I needed an envelope and you can only buy “25” packs. While discussing this with the helpful staffer, a guy who had just finished whatever he was doing, walked past and handed me an envelope! How fucking cool is that! I know it’s only an envelope but that was so cool – you fscking rock man!

Booked a bed in the Instant Sleep hostel’s “Hall of Dreams”. An ironic name considering this room is a dorm of 25 beds! It is just up the road from my current hostel and good value at 15euro per night plus a once-off 2euro sheet charge. Dunno why I am so happy now? It could have something to do with running low on brain sugar but with what I eat I find that almost impossible to believe. I think I’m just a moody fscker. Maybe as soon as I get back on the bike I’ll get mad again? Hope not.

One bike shop I visited wanted 20-30euro to true the back wheel. Had the guy been able to read my mind, he would’ve heard a very pronounced “30euro? Get FUCKED!” rather than the “I might be back later” that I actually said.

Walked into town taking photos of the freaks, the bikes, the Dom (same style as Cologne’s but nowhere near as impressive).

Spent 4 hours online planning train rides and trying unsuccessfully to upload photos. A laptop would’ve been great right now.. of course, it never would’ve survived this far into the trip!

Dined in “Taverna Romana” – Calzone (6.50), “Schofferhofer Weizen” beer (3.00), 50cl of course!

English menu, english speaking waitress, english speaking guests.. Germany? Where?

Big hotel breakfast, making the most of the 50euro room fee.

No diary entries during the ride, but I do remember it being quite industrial heading towards Hamburg. I know I was angry again. The paths are still screwed, the signage moreso. I really should just forget signs and use a map and compass! I’m really feeling like I’ve done my dash on the bike – I just can’t take any more of the German paths. I’m going to find out train costs to Berlin and have the rear wheel fixed while here.

Once in the centrum (HH-Centrum, what the hell is that?!) I was checking my Lonely Planet for hostels when a courier rolled up and offered me help. WTF?! What happened to the “everone hating, too busy to eat, traffic-eating nutbag” stereoype?! We chatted for a bit “you should ride Spain and Italy”. “Don’t be silly, I’m too fat to climb hills!” and he then took the lead and led me down the road a bit. “Straight down there for about two kilometres” he said, I thanked him and we split.

Further down this road I spotted another messenger, this guy riding a fixed gear GT road bike (blue and yellow with Vee brakes?!). He was stopped at the lights. We rolled out on the green and I chased him to the next set of lights. With a funky fixie skid, he stopped at the red light. Another messenger stereotype shot to pieces! Must be a slow day! 🙂

I pointed out to him our choice of GT steeds and we got talking too. For Dutchy’s benefit: He was running 50-14T. Hamburg is pretty flat so you can use a gear that size (I’ll stick to my cassette for now thanks). He said Hamburg and Zurich are the only places you can make a living messing. I thought about all the guys working in London and figured he must just mean the money is good here.

I’m in Hotel Schanzenstern in St. Pauli. Cool dorm room with “bed pyramid” for 18euro per night, includes REAL TOWELS!!. Only problem is I can only stay today and tonight – they are booked out beyond that.

The area is pretty funky with loads of bikes and student-types. Mohawks, piercings, tatts, goth wear, etc. is all normal here. I went to a bar almost next-door called “Fritz Bauch” and chowed down on a yummie chilli con carne with flat-bread. Beer recommended by the waitress was a dark, bio-organic brew called “Lammsbrau dunkels Hefe”. I would consume more of this nice brew!

The books I sent back to Grant need to be picked up from the post office and because I sent the box addressed to me, Grant can’t pick it up! I really didn’t think a box that small would be a problem, but then I don’t think about a lot of things. I have to send Grant a letter letting them know he can pick up my mail.

I’m so frickin’ agitated and wound-up! I need more beer but I’m being ignored or using the wrong signals or something? (insert long, miserable rant here that, again, coincides with rain starting!). I did get another beer and combined with the funny ska tunes playing I seem to be cheering up. If the rain goes away now I’ll be selling my rain-controlling depression to drought-stricken farmers!!!

I bought a 4-colour pen since Shane’s “Harrod’s” pen finally died. “You can colour my world with sunshine every day!” I love that M&M’s advertisment music!:)

Also tried: Einbecker Urbock, 6.5%, 33cl, light or dark varieties. Stortebeker Schwarzbier, 5%, 50cl, dark. Rothaus Hefeweizen ?%, 50cl, brown. Of course a few more of “that bio beer, bitte!”. Sad? Get drunk. One option was a Berliner WeiBe, rot oder grun (red or green!). They add raspberry or “wood master” syrup to the wheat beer. Spent ages consulting with the bar chicks about that green, “wood master” one – none of us could work out what it was. There’s just no English equivalent.

Spent a while chatting to a guy working for Lufthansa about army drafting (Germany’s army drafts some/all of its soldiers). He bought me more beer so I wasn’t complaining! Even the hottie behind the bar was offering me drinks by then end of the night (I guess I get friendly when I’m drunk :)).

So, thankfully, the day ended on a high! Ain’t beer wonderful! 🙂

See if you can spot hippy in the crowd..

www.holstencityman.de

I was in the grandstand for the women’s race yesterday and I’m going back to watch the men race today. It’s frickin’ awesome! The crowd is so pumped with a mental MC (with some english!), scantily clad women riding lots of bike porn, crashes, beer, more bike porn in the stalls near the race, beer.. you get the idea!

Aus had a women in 3rd and around 10th I think. Never heard of either of them.

There’s quite a few Aussie guys racing. Should be good.

AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE!!!!

More Info Here

Triathlon.org will also host a first class photo gallery by spomedis photographers, Frank Weschel and Silke Insel of Germany. High resolution photos will be available immediately after the event by contacting ituhdq@triathlon.org

Crap, the guys start earlier! I gotta go!

Nice brekkie with BANANAS! Yes, I can still recognise some fruits!

Mmm.. they were ripe ones too, not those greenish ones that Jane likes.. bleh!

I left quite early for a change – unintentionally – perhaps 8.30am?

Is it normal to listen to a train pass and bop my head to the click-clack? Probably not. I was getting into it though! Thinking: “If I just sampled that and added a filter here and there, add some crunched up 909, lay down an evil bassline..” 😀 Definately too much time on the road!

I know why Mr. Ullrich always looks mad. It’s not because Lance keeps whipping him, it’s because he rides in Germany! I thought with these funky new maps I’d be flying and all would be cool. Nuh uh! The paths are still crap – damage from allied bombing?!?! Signs send you off into carparks and then intersections where you can loop around looking at signs, scratching your head, wondering what drugs these people were smoking when they developed the path network.

It’s now 8.30PM. Am I in Hamburg? Hell no!

8hrs of riding, 11hrs on the road, 140k and I didn’t even fscking make it!

Oh, I covered the required distance to be in Hamburg (100k away direct, according to maps, 140k away according to bike path signs) but I was in Fuckknowswhere, Germany, not Hamburg, Germany.

Around 7.30pm I had completely lost the plot. I was physically tired, mentally dead, screaming obscenities at trees, panicking because I’m stuck in the middle of a forest with no idea where I am or which way to travel. I was contemplating just stopping and lying down but was worried it could get too cold or rain. I found some houses and asked directions to a hotel. “Follow the main track” doesn’t really help when the road forks into two equally “main” pieces of singletrack. Yeah, singletrack. I’m not talking about roads or even bike paths here, this was frickin’ muddy, pot-holed bush track. About 5hrs ago it might’ve been fun, but my NEW wheel was failing due to insufficient spoke tension, it was late, I was stuffed and worried about stacking or flatting. Basically, I was having a Real Bad Time(tm).

The track smoothed out a bit and I spotted a runner who I stopped for directions. They pointed me towards some houses and I asked a woman about hotels. (At least I was back in civilisation now!). She ended up sitting me in her front yard while her kids played and she went inside. I wondered to myself if an Aussie woman would be so unconcerned with a hairy, borderline psychotic, lycra-clad man near her young kids? She even told me her husband wasn’t home! How’s that for trust!

Anyway, she found a map of the area, brought me out a drink, rang a few places to check for rooms, PHOTOCOPIED THE MAP and marked on it where I had to go, after BOOKING ME A ROOM!!!

HOW FUCKING COOL ARE GERMAN PEOPLE?! VERY FUCKING COOL!

Anyone who says otherwise has never been here or is blinded by the same stereotype I had before I visited last year. Germans rock!

Anyway, I didn’t write much during this ride because I was busy planning the ‘bikepath-designer killing spree’. I didn’t see much because I was too busy looking for signs that weren’t there or looking at maps every 5mins. Even if I did see stuff I wouldn’t remember it because I was so brain dead by the end. Oh, I did write something about the couple that were doing the same ride as me. Guy and a girl a bit older than me were riding from Bremen to Harburg (near Hamburg and near where I actually ended up). They had different maps (secret German ones?) but even they spoke of “horror” sections of path and we ended up riding a stupid cobbled section together. I left them when his wife/gf stacked in a sand section. I dont think she stacked but she stopped and he went back for her. I almost stacked. It was fun, where fun is like pulling teeth sans anasthetic.

I then proceeded to take more wrong turns, climbing a hill here and then “hang on, didn’t I just ride this in the other direction?” Ahh.. it was just ridiculous! This was with me looking at maps too. As soon as I thought I had it nailed I ended up somewhere else entirely. I went into a pub for some water and they were nice and the water was free. I saw a hotel in the hills for 25euro a night and actually stopped and was almost going to stay there.. and then I got lost in the forest.

Finding the “Betti Meyer” hotel/pension in “Neugraben” from the woman’s house was no problem at all. Which makes it all the more puzzling why I struggled with the ride in general. The room was 50euro for the night. I didn’t care. I would’ve paid more. Scoff pack of peanut M&Ms watching Sumo Wrestling on cable TV. Wash myself and my kit in the shower and get directions to “Jagerhof” restaurant/bar for dinner.

I order another “Jagerschnitzel” and a half-litre “Flensburger Weizen” beer. Entree is bread pieces spread with lard! I’m sure it’s lard.. It has meat pieces in it and tastes surprisingly good. The beer isn’t going to do my dehydration any good but I NEED it after this ride. Tastes nice, interesting flavour.

The Harrod’s pen Shane gave me finally stopped working while I jotted in my diary during dinner. Well, when there’s no dinner companions to talk to, you have to do something while waiting! A Pacer acts as temporary backup but I must buy a new pen. New pen? Riveting stuff eh?

Speaking of rivets.. I can eat cucumber now without gagging at the taste. Burping later still has that overpowering cucumber taste though – gross. Yes, that had nothing to do with rivets. I’m like that.

ThisJagerschnitzel totally kicks the arse of the one in Bremen! It’s big, covered in a tonne of mushrooms and lovely gravy. Accompanied by a seperate bowl of baked potato slices and another bowl of really nice apple salad! All for about the same price as the Bremen joint! This is the German meal I’ve been hanging out for! “Another one of these beers please!” I say to the lovely old lady waiting on me, who speaks not a word of English – I think the pointing helps :). My body’s only liquid is now beer. Beer is mostly water though, so it should be okay.

I guess she asked me how the meal was when I finished and she was stoked when I said “wunderbar”(sp?) I only knew that word because she’d used it earlier hehe

I’m having serious doubts about continuing the trip, at this point, which you all know about from previous ranting. I also discovered that it’s not work that makes me angry, it’s me that makes me angry. What a predicament!

Later on I buy another half-litre beer from a servo.. for (google bait) FIFTY CENT s 🙂 500ml of beer for 50c! That’s less than what a 375ml can of Coke costs in Oz!

Back to the hotel and watch freestyle moto-x and various soft-porn ads for phone-sex numbers. Over here they have full body nudity as girls strip off to music while the phone-sex number flashes away in the corner! What a great country! 😀

Bremen to (NOT) Hamburg Stats:

140.63k, 7h 38m, 18.4kph

“Fsck Off, I’m Saving the World!” is a t-shirt slogan I thought of while riding yesterday. Maybe when I settle down I can print all the stupid slogans I’ve thought up during this trip. You get lots of thinking time cycle touring. Pity my brain is such a scary place to be left alone..

Tee used up the last of my phone credit thanks to the bullshit rule Vodaphone has where I get charged to receive calls if I’m not in NL with an NL SIM card. This sucks! I wasn’t even told about their charging structure this time! Conclusion: Phone companies suck, worldwide.

The map I got from servo guy was great, until I tried to get to Bremen. See, Bremen is not Bremen at all. Bremen is Bremen-Nord and Bremen City is 30k away! Even Bremen-Nord wasn’t Bremen-Nord, it was Blumenthal or something. No signs on their bike paths. This is where my bitterness starts getting out of hand. Paths are horrible, rutted things. I want to throw my bike under a train and use PT for the rest of the trip. (This is just what I wrote in my diary. I was a little unhappy I think 😛 Actually, I’m toning it DOWN from what I wrote in my diary..)

The DJH hostel in Bremen was super-sexy modern plus! Apparently it had only been renovated and reopened in May-June this year. 20euro per night.

Into town I argued with a Vodaphone salesperson until I got the answers I wanted and then bought a German Vodaphone SIM.

My German mobile number is: 0173 / 4152279

At least, I think it is. It was the number the guy pointed to on the box.

Also bought a box of cycling-specific maps (North Germany, there’s also a South Germany pack, strangely enough) for 10euro figuring they would eliminate my navigation woes.. little did I know..

Bremen is VERY nice. It appeared to be much older than Oldenburg and Leer. Had much more impressive buildings! Also had at least 4 Vodaphone stores – WTF?!

Found out why “Alster” beer is so sweet with a taste I just couldn’t put my finger on. It’s Beck’s.. MIXED WITH SPRITE!! No wonder it tasted funny!

Speaking of Beck’s – Bremen is where batches of Beck’s beers are brewed, basically. All the bars are loaded to the rafters with every different Beck’s variant.

I had dinner at “Beck’s Bistro”, a tourist trap bar in the main square. For some reason the guy brought me out TWO Beck’s Green Lemon bottles when I clearly* asked for just one (*clearly to me is often not clearly to anyone else). Stuff it, rather than argue, I drank both. Turns out that they are only 50% beer anyway! What’s with all these beer and soft drink combinations?! I remember(ish) getting shit-faced in Munich drinking real beer from 1L glasses..

Had a “Jagerschnitzel” for dinner. It was kinda small but had a nice mushroom gravy on it. Came with those skinny frickin fries I hate (spiced for something different). Washed it down with a (guess..) Beck’s Gold. Yay, a real beer. Nothing special but at least it wasn’t watered down. Back to the hostel for a coffee and read up on Hamburg.

Oldenburg to Bremen Stats:

69.72k (73k at day’s end), 3h 28m, 20.2kph

I decided I needed another day in Oldenburg. I’m tired (ie. pissweak) and there is more to see.

Slept well last night (the beer helped?) and really didn’t want to get up, but I just can’t let a “free” breakfast go unattended.. mmm jaffa pocket cereal, fruit bread, meat and cheese, nutella.. mmm..

Roll down the street about 50m before it starts to rain. I’m cursed. Smile and it might go away, right?

Took some photos of stuff. I cant upload them from here though.

Germans like painting their buildings. I don’t mean with Mission Brown, I mean full-on mural artwork!

Visited the “Landesmuseum fur Kunst and Kulturgeschichte” which was pretty good. Nothing super famous. Was featuring Carl Spitzweg’s paintings – I’ve never heard of him but some pieces some were quite good. The museum also had an exhibit of “Paper Theatre”. Imagine a scaled-down theatre but all the actors, props and backgrounds are painted paper that people move around from outside the box they’re contained in. Also some cool modern (50’s onwards I think) photos from a French guy (Willy something?), weapons and other artefacts like clothing, the usual religious stuff, coins, cups. The building itself (once a “schloss” – castle) is a funny yellow on the outside and quite impressive inside with large chandoliers, funky woodwork, squeaky floorboards and that musty “built before you were around buckeroo!” smell. Not TOO big and only 3euro.

Tried a “Mezzo Mix”. It’s a softdrink – Coke mixed with Fanta!!

Imbiss (small cafe) for the German take on a doner kebab. Tried various beers here. You can buy a 700ml bottle of Bacardi here for 10euro 🙂

Oldenburg Stats:

20k of cruising around town.

“Kebablish” – The language used during the struggle to order immensely unhealthy food in the early hours of the morning, whilst very drunk. Typically without the ability to speak the local language OR the native language of the kebab shop owner, which often differs from the local language. Jan was there. Really. 😛

I am much happier now. Thanks all for listening. 🙂