They’d have a picture of me.

I’m turning into a bit of a gym junkie (*cough-bullsh1t-cough*), which isn’t unreasonable given the amount of time I used to spend on the bike that is now roughly: 0 hours and 0 minutes per week.

Tonight I was going to warm up on the exercise bike and then learn how to use some of the other gear – rowing machines, treadmills and suchlike.

What actually happened was:

10min: “Hmm.. good enough warm up, let’s crank it up for a bit..”

“I’ll get off at 20min and use the rowing machine..”

20min: “Love Astral Projection, I’ll sit on 140rpm until it ends..”

“I’ll get off at 30min and use the rowing machine..”

30min: “Can’t stop now, all-time-fave ‘Amphetamine’ is on.. 140rpm for all 6m43s”

“I’ll get off at 40min and use the rowing machine..”

40min: “I know, I’ll do some more high cadence stuff. Hey, cool, 180rpm matches my heart rate..”

50min: “There’s no fuggin way I’m stopping before the hours up, 10sec @ 160rpm+ each 2min until the hour’s done.”

1hr: “Arrgh.. stupid machine turned off! Damn you!”

*switches bike back on and does last high-rpm rep*

“Ahhhh..”

“Ahrrr!”

Ending with HR in the 190bpm area, absolutely drenched in sweat with an exercise bike glad to see me leaving.. HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY!

Okay, so I can barely walk and I’ve done some damage to my under-used glutes and hip flexors, but I don’t care.

The more trashed my body is the better. It needs punishment. If only someone would massage my sore arse muscles.. 😛

My lower half is now as trashed as my upper half which is nice. Throwing all those punches and doing pushups and tricep dips last night.. it’s bigtime foreign to me.

On a positive note my depression is on hold. Not sure if this is due to my drinking ban, the exercise or if it’s just the “up” again.

Next slump I’m going to try and break one of the exercise bikes by overrevving 🙂 That should leave me with too little energy to worry about anything else. Problem solved.

Sheila didn’t want to come near me for some reason? 😛

In other news, work is boring. Sara (partner in crime) is in Spain for a few days, consuming hot-chocolate so thick you have to eat it with a spoon! (so jealous!)

My ipod is all that talks to me now and this tends to make for a long day.

I try and break it up with some DanChat(tm) and the odd SheilaNGrantMail(tm) but I still get bored. Waiting 10min for a reply from Dan was just too long so I voiced some thoughts:

you’re odd you’re weird you’re strange you’re queer

now you are stuck with long-dead dreams and career ambition

Well, I got a laugh from it. Perhaps someone will see it and offer me something interesting to do just so long as I stop writing this sh1te!

Tee, I have the photo you wanted.. but it’ll cost you..

a 1.5kg tin of milo. Just kidding! 😛

I finished reading Terry Pratchett’s “Wyrd Sisters” and thought it was much better than “Sourcery“.

Still no closer to starting the last Harry Potter because Mei-Ling got me “The Elder Gods” by David & Leigh Eddings.

Apparently not the best Eddings book, it seems quite “simple” to me (but I’m not much of a fantasy reader). I’ve only just become interested in ‘what happens next’ around page 150! I just hope it ends well.

Work paid for a very nice mushroom risotto at the Red Room due to our French counterpart flying in for training with us.

That has nothing to do with Spin Class but I like telling people when I score free stuff. Did I mention that my gym membership for a month was only 31quid rather than the 61quid it was supposed to be because someone messed up? Well.. my gym membership for a month was only 31quid rather than the 61quid it was supposed to be because someone messed up!

I know some people wanted to break this news first, but.. I went to BODYStep last night. Aerobics! :S

The entire class was female except for me (if you saw me with long hair you might question that point). I went because Sheila does it and because I don’t mind giving new things a shot, even if it is the most embarassing thing I’ve ever done (it wasn’t, but it was definately up there!). I was surprised that it actually felt like a workout and horrified to find out that it requires coordination! Not just coordination but timing and a sense of direction as well! I stood no chance. I was getting left behind all the time, just trying to watch the instructors feet to work out what to do.. forget about the arms! Anyway, it was a laugh, and that’s good right? RIGHT?!

The Spin class tonight started at 7.15 so I had plenty of time to get there. Made the mistake of eating something at home and then ran to the gym. Still had 20mins or so to kill so I gave one of the elliptical trainer/cross trainers a shot. I get how they work now but what I want to know is why my feet keep sliding sideways off the foot pads?! Could get dangerous if I actually put the pace on, slip and end up needing the jaws of life to free my mangled legs from the contraption.

Into the exercise bike area and fiddle with the seat until it’s right. It wasn’t. Hard to tell though with such a quick spin. Maybe next week I’ll have it sussed? Yet another disadvantage of having size 14 feet is the fact that they don’t really fit into standard pedals with toe-clips and straps. I mean, they do, but ya gotta run loose and twist da feet in a bit. Not optimal positioning by any stretch of the imagination.

What followed was 45 minutes of arse-whipping. I didn’t realise how terribly unfit I was until I did this class. I had to slow down so I didn’t spew and I’m sure I wasn’t working as hard as the instructor who didn’t appear to be sweating at all, whereas I had a small lake around me by the end. It was hard! Not because I was pushing myself.. because I am fscking unfit! Again, I’d underestimated the session and came out barely able to walk.. until I ran home that is, but that was more so I didn’t freeze to death in wet shorts and t-shirt.

I will be going back for more of the same as often as possible! I wish the sessions were longer (well, not yet, maybe when I can ride again). I’m more pumped now to get fitter so it was a doubly beneficial session. Now if I could just get a roadie and start racing again..

Room 1:

Matt Darey, Graham Gold, John O Callaghan, Ronski Speed, Ehren Stowers, Liquideyes, Matt Lock

Room 2 (Cheeky People & PreHab):

Ramsden, Mr Chip b2b DJ Boris, David Irvine b2b Chuck Watts, David Murtagh b2b Gary Optim, Funky Frankie

www.trancegeneration.co.uk

The Soundshaft

(back entrance of Heaven nightclub)

Hungerford Lane, London, WC2

10pm-7am

Met Dan and a bunch of his friends/workmates at The Volunteer. It was Sophie’s last night working there (aww!). I got drunk. It helped to dull the pain caused by my new Doc Marten work shoes that are currently cutting holes in my feet. I’ve got Elastoplast, polypro socks and thick cotton socks on just so I can walk without limping too much!

Dan had emailed me earlier in the day about a trance party tonight. I wasn’t too keen on going out but once pissed I was more easily convinced.

Headed home to remove the killer Docs (Leo has the same model/size shoe and his fit MUCH better!?!) and managed to enter one of my all-too-common-now depressive states.

These seem to sneak up on me and suddenly nothing in my life is good, everything is bad. These spells of depression seem worse the happier I was the day before.

It doesn’t seem to matter how well I’m actually doing in life, my brain just can’t see it, the darkness rolls in and nothing I have or do is worth a pinch of sh1t.

I get so down I’m thinking of suicide and how much weight would be lifted once I was dead. How nice it would be to rid my brain of all its negativity and self-loathing, clear away all the doubt and worries.

Click. Blank. Empty. Peace. Like a TV being switched off.

Of course I’m too proud or too weak to actually do it. Then, of course, I beat myself up about being a pussy for that too! My brain is truly a cnut to me sometimes..

Bet you weren’t expecting this self-analysis rubbish when you started reading the post! :S

After some train and taxi dodging a bunch of us were at Soundshaft: Dan, “Leeds” Paul, Paul’s mate Matt, Matt’s GF and Dan’s workmate Paul.

It’s now Saturday night and I haven’t actually gone to bed from Friday night yet (40+hrs goin”ard), so I can’t be arsed typing much about the night.. but..

What I will say is this: I went from being totally, utterly miserable to having one of the best nights out. Ever.

I’m so glad I ended up going, rather than sitting at home drowning in self-pity, wanting to smash all the “happy” people into gutters.

Our little posse went nuts, along with the crowd! You guys fscking rock! The music was awesome. The crowd was brilliant and totally into it. Everything was fantastic. Such a change from the state I was in a few hours earlier.

Dan, you are a total fscking legend and a fantastic mate. I hope you remember most of what I told you because I might’ve been smashed but I know what I said and it all holds true. Without you I reckon I’d have done myself some harm by now. Oh, I’ll have a look at that back wheel when I can 🙂

Harsh post, maybe, but I feel better getting some of this crap out. Consequences? I don’t care. Readers, you may relax. Now? I need some sleep.

“The world’s largest passenger will arrive in Melbourne on Monday.“

– front page of The Age.

Do you think they meant “largest passenger plane” or is Bubba, complete with a thickshake I.V. and 20kg of cheeseburgers in excess baggage, hopping off the plane? 😉

everybody loves work!

It was another nice day today. Shame I spent most of the daylight hours (5pm = darkness) inside on the computer. Let’s just call it “training for work” and leave it at that.

Riding to the shops for some supplies (spuds, cordial and bread – I managed to avoid buying chocolate) a bright green bike crossed my path. It wasn’t so much that the bike was bright green, rather, the neon-light tubing that was wrapped around it glowed bright green. I rounded the corner and caught up.

Carefully attached along most of the frame, from the rear rack to the headtube, was bright green lighting. It looked awesome! If anyone managed to knock this guy of his bike and claim “Sorry mate I didn’t see you” they should immediately have their license revoked (after a good head-kicking, of course).

At the lights I commented to the rider on his cool lighting setup, he acknowledged and then I split from the scene, gangster movie style. Really I just turned the corner, but writing “split from the scene” reminded me of a gangster movie.

I’ve fitted the GT with the new saddle I bought from probikekit. It’s a Selle San Marco Concor Light. I don’t know why it’s called “Light” – it’d only be “light” if you were to compare it with a well-built leather armchair. I bought it because the GT’s original saddle was bent and I suspected it was causing my knee troubles on longer rides. It was only 8quid. I’m not sure we are going to work out, unfortunately. The GT saddle was quite good, ‘very’ good when you consider it was ’95 factory-issue. It was flat and perhaps a bit wider than a Flite road saddle. The San Marco is much skinnier, shorter and instead of being flat it curves up at the back. Looks like I’m going to have to shell out a bunch of quidage for an “old faithful” Selle Italia Flite. I’d still like to try the Fizik Arione or perhaps the wider, heavier version of the Flite, the Max Flite, but all this saddle testing gets expensive.

Was carefully watching an auction of a Peugeot Offensiv fitted with Campagnolo Mirage groupset. Same model frame as my race bike but a couple of years older, with less kays on the clock, alu rather than carbon fork and low-end Campag groupset rather than Ultegra. Would’ve been a nice pickup but unfortunately it just cracked the 200quid mark and I don’t want to spend this much unless I actually have UKP in the bank. Double pity because the roller racing league I found requires riders use their own bikes. Doh!

Guess I should go and iron my work shirt. Eeew.. iron a work shirt.. iron..a..work..shirt.. what an ugly phrase!

“Huh?”, you grunt, furrowed brow prematurely aging your face. Haha got ya! 😛

On Sunday, Sheila and I tried a variety of stores trying to find me some work clothes. So what did I end up with?

Well, from Marks & Spencer, the sandwich-with-the-strangest-name-ever (the title of this post) and some vanilla milk. From Oxfam, a 2006 diary and a used copy of MIchael Moore’s “Stupid White Men” book.

The clothes? Um.. well.. you see.. um… now you know why I hate shopping for clothes!

In reality it was smarter not to buy anything just yet – the new job’s uniform remains unknown. I’m putting my money on it being a suit and tie affair. Fscking ridiculous dressing up just to sit on my ar$e all day typing, but the world is a ridiculous place. I can’t wait to spend half a day’s wages on the week’s dry-cleaning bill. Please let them have showers and bike facilities!!

Prior to the shopping, Sheila and I had gone to Cafe Rouge for breakfast. Grant was working today so I was being the Charming Male Companion(tm) in his place. It didn’t look like it but this cafe is part of a rather large chain. Service and decor was such that it didn’t feel like a chain cafe. No Starfucks here thankyou! Cappucino accompanied a crepe filled with mushrooms and tomato, topped with egg were well received by my tum.

Stepping further back in time, to the day before in fact, and you would’ve witnessed Grant, Sheila, Jamie (whom we’d just met) and myself rushing around London with a fist-full of rhyming clues, an A-Z and a digicam, pretending it was 1605 and trying to track down Guy Fawkes, find monuments, record information and answer bonus questions in a clever birthday treasure hunt. Kate, a workmate of Grant’s, celebrated her birthday in a very novel fashion indeed!

It was very different, great fun and the whole setup was really well done. We came in about an hour behind the “winning” team – we did stop a couple of times for coffee and icecream and 3/4 of us were Aussies – but the journey ended up in the Hung, Drawn and Quartered pub so it can hardly be considered “losing”! 😀 Proceeded to get well-drunk, worry about an odd Scottish dude, watch fireworks, piggyback people along the Thames, obtain many injuries, drink more, make dicks of ourselves on public transport, etc.. It was a fun day/night! I forgot my mobile though and got a little too drunk so I never made it to Paul’s party with Dan and El Seano. Sorry guys, I’m sure you had fun. 😉