“Cosa” in Italian means “girl” and their are lots of songs about girls in Italian. Unfortunately, this sounds the same as the Polish “kosa” which means “goat”.

I finally got my shit together and joined a Willesden Cycling Club bunch ride, establishing myself (as I did at Blackburn) as someone with a foul mouth and habit of under-dressing for the weather. It’s okay, they didn’t get a load of potty mouth, I just thought I’d warn them in advance. 🙂

The ride to Stoke Mandeville left from Denham. On the way from Ealing to Denham the thought of packing it in crossed my mind quite a lot – it was well windy!!

The first person I introduced myself to.. turns out to be a first timer as well! It gets better though when she asks where I’m from.. “Melbourne” I say. “Me too” she says! Fark.. small worl.. etc. What sucks so much about Melbourne that makes us all leave?!? 🙂

I think her name was Linda – but I’d forget my own name if it wasn’t tattooed to my arm, so I could be wrong. She was a semi-pro tennis player who’s been here for 11 years and now coaches the racquet sport but prefers cycling to knocking balls back and forth. Good choice says I. She’s fit (grr.. jealous) and I’m sure she’ll be winning stuff very soon. Brian was the club chairman and a pretty good ad for the club in his own right. He was very friendly and welcoming. This bunch also has a ‘no drop’ policy unlike the faster Quest (shop team) bunch which makes it nicer for slackers like me who aren’t even sure they can climb out of bed these days let alone climb hills.

I think the bunch was 11 strong and we rode a fairly easy 60k to the Stoke Mandeville Goat Centre where we finally find our link to the introductory statement! The Aussies had coffee and a banana or oatmeal slice while the locals had tea and beans on toast (“aww bless”). I can’t say much about the ride because I have no idea where we went and I was concentrating, it being the first “bunch” I’ve done for 2 years. I know it involved the Chilterns and Ed from One More Cup of Coffee has mentioned this ride before. I recall chatting to Sas(?), another IT dude who also plays some football.

Leaving the cafe was interesting – I was only wearing summer kit and a CCW windvest, the wind was howling and 5min later it was snowing. Snow I tells ya! (Tough Aussie was mentioned but I know they’re thinking Stupid Aussie ;)). 5min later it was blue skies again and I’d warmed up so no stress! 🙂 The return journey was done with the pace up a notch. I approved of this. The expected tail-wind didn’t really eventuate until after I’d left the final rider, Mike, at Uxbridge and powered home to Ealing. I was feeling pretty happy with myself.

Thanks to the others on the ride – ’twas fun!

In other white powder news, I’ve started messing around with the local energy drinks. I prefer the taste of the cheaper Boots own-brand powder to the Lucozade stuff but I’ve not looked closely at what they each contain. Given the snow collected on my jumper after dumping the recycling tonight, hydration isn’t going to be a primary concern for a while yet..

Out:

Duration: 2h 46s

Distance: 60k

HR: 133/169 (avg/max)

Speed 23/54 (avg/max)

Ascent: 480m

Back:

Duration: 2h 05s

Distance: 56k

HR: 140/180 (avg/max)

Speed 29/56 (avg/max)

Ascent: 315m

For the last two years I think my longest ride was last week’s 60k loop south-west around Feltham, Kingston and back through the city (I’m such a slacker now).

Taking some inspiration from Ed’s cycling activities I’ve finally started to “train”. I’m okay with short efforts but anything lasting longer than a 30s commuter sprint and I notice a distinct lack of oxygen reaching useful body parts. Therefore! Start work building an aerobic base. With this in mind I set out to ride to Oxford or at least 50k out to get 100k return.

Why Oxford? Because I’ve wanted to ride here since I found out it was west of Ealing and therefore doesn’t require riding through the city and 1 billion traffic lights! I also wanted my HR to stay under 150bpm.

I set out at 8am (Sat) and rode west along Uxbridge Rd. passing what looked to be a bunch gathering for a ride on the A40 near Denham. The roads are certainly rougher in the UK compared to Melbourne and I wondered at times if anything would vibrate off my bike during this ride. I puzzled over the ‘descent’ into High Wycombe – surely this place has been untruthfully named?

There was a SW wind blowing which gave me the irrates but had to be dealt with alone. Through some small towns, I think I stopped somewhere to buy sweeties as I had no food with me – they don’t sell Powerbars or fruit sticks in supermarkets here. Pidd(l)ington was used for a piddle stop 🙂

After Stokenchurch I zipped down a rather long hill called Aston Hill while heading up were a spread-out bunch of older riders. Maybe they weren’t that old but my eyes were fuzzy due to them watering from the 60kph coasting. It was fun but at the bottom I knew I’d now have to climb this on the way back.

A while later I’m messing around with round-a-bouts and underpasses and I think I’ve taken a wrong turn. I’m now on nasty busy road (turns out to be the A40) with 7mi (11.2k) to go until Oxford. I’ve been in London too long and I’m just not used to traffic moving fast. I’m also under-fed (wouldn’t know by looking) and under-watered and my mind is not so positive right now. I consider turning around and heading back but I’m too close and “damnit!” I’ve ridden much worse than this before.

Oxford!

Dawdle around a little, taking the obligatory pic in front of the Welcome sign but fail to find a suitable pub to stop at and decide I should get going while motivated.

I turn the bike around and on the A40 again I notice a bike path which is nicer than the A road. I’ve now got the benefit of a tail-wind and I’m nudging 50kph at 130bpm. Easy!

Climb back up the big-arse hill and now I’m thinking I really need ‘proper’ food and some salts – it’s a bit warm! The local ladies get to admire that odd, yet, mmm, somewhat appealing view of me in brand-spanking new Croydon Cycleworks kit while I stuff chips and Lucozade down my gob at a rate of knots. Did she just come back for another look? I guess Stokenchurch doesn’t have many lycra louts stopping by? 😉

Belt home with the wind behind me (that’s not a euphemism!) and I take a little less notice of the HRM, hitting 66kph with a bit of pedalling, down one of the hills.

Get a little confused at the Denham round-a-bout and almost head into work on the A40. Almost.

Dodging all the nutters in Southall I arrive back home after 5hrs 52minutes. Average speed around 26kph which isn’t bad for such a long solo ride for someone who thought he’d die over such distances these days.

Sunday I was a bit sore (plus: Wills, Matt, Polish, Malwina and I were drinking until midnight) so I skipped the Willesden club ride I was thinking about trying (next week). I received a mild tan from my efforts in the sun! Can I get my old ‘form’ back? I think I’ll have a crack!

Here’s the route for the ride (one-way): http://www.gmap-pedometer.com/?r=766996

Duration: 5h 52s

Distance: 151.7k (hope my Polar is configured right!)

HR: 139/165 (avg/max)

Speed 26.5/66.7 (avg/max)

Ascent: 925m

Image used without permission and ?copyright Christopher Klugman

Taking inspiration from the recent overdose of track racing and the donning of my old race jersey, I had rolled out for a normal commute.. only to find myself trying very hard not to look slow in my ‘sunday best’.

3/4 of the way in, around Sussex Gardens, I actually glanced at my watch and saw I was well under 30min. “Damn, could be a record here!” Kept up the pace until the office with some deft (read: lucky) anti-bus fixie skidding along Marylebone Rd and stopped the clock..

Time: 28:29. That’s a full 1.5min faster than my previous best. It was also through much heavier traffic due to leaving later. Nice.

It had to be done!

Knackered wrist or not the “heavy snow” forecast came true and I was out there!

Summary:

– Snow is more slippery than I thought, but so much fun.. crunch.. crunch..

– Grit stings bare skin

– It was the coldest I’ve ridden in I think. The wind helped that.

– Knee warmers perhaps not best choice, leg warmers a better idea

– I ended up more black than white, so did the Raleigh

– Skidding the fixed on snow and ice is much easier

– Mudguards would’ve been useful

– Full-finger gloves instead of trashed fingerless ones would’ve been clever. COLD!

– Can you tell I’ve not adapted to cold weather yet?

– Snow-covered cities are pretty

– White vans and 4WDs don’t drive any slower

– Saw 6 or 7 riders out. One guy was in a tshirt! Hmmf.. and I thought I was ‘ard..

– My shins were black. My thighs were bright red.

– It’s 10.30am and the snow continues to fall outside my window

“Nice weather for it” I said to one rider at the lights.

He said it was lucky that everyone in London drives a 4×4 otherwise they might not make it in. 🙂

Click here for more pictures.

[image nicked from www.nosuv.org]

A global survey of 150 car industry executives by financial firm KPMG claims sales will be hit by higher fuel prices and environmental concerns. No way!

The executives believe fuel efficiency will become the most important of the criteria for buying a car. When it costs $1.60/L, duh.

Opponents of the cars dislike their fuel consumption and some also believe they make congestion worse. Believe?

bbc.co.uk – car bosses say 4×4 demand falling

Dinotte Ultra 5w

In an effort to reduce the strain on my nerves I have purchased one of these babies from On-One.

See also.

?135 for the light engine

?2 for a spare o-ring

?2 for a spare battery case

?20 for 16 x Vapex 2700mAh NiMH AA batteries (from Vapextech on ebay, inc. free charger, 2 x 1100mAh)

?25 for Mega Charger (from Vapextech on ebay, inc. 4 x 2700mAh pack, 1 x AAA 1100mAh pack, 2 x AA to D cell converter, 1 x Battery Tester and 1 x LED compass keyring)

It’s the most I’ve ever spent on lighting. It’s totally frickin’ cool though!

80g/200g with/without batteries and surely the sexiest looking bike light available (yes, damnit, I said sexy!)

I started this post weeks ago and have now lost all direction, all meaning and well hello nurse! it’s feckin’ 1am on a school night.. sheet!

Whatever, sick of this sitting as a draft. This light rocks!

The useful thing about this DVLA facility is that you can check if the registration of the skank that didn’t look as she pulled out, forcing you into the other lane and then flipping you off when you tell her to use her eyes, in fact matches the mental image you have of the car: DVLA Lookup. Of course it doesn’t help with the twats who think the wide, black, lines of tar (known to most as “roads”) are to be used for strolling along. Peak Hour. Wakeup!

LS02 TXP, your car is now mine.

Is there something wrong, I mean, mentally, with the women in red hatchbacks? Or is it just that lots of women drive red hatches?

My phone (I still lack a bike computer *sob*) showed 36m12s but I deducted 1min because I had to start the timer, put the phone in my bag, walk outside, start the ride and then fish the phone back out of my bag at the ‘finish line’ to stop it. Bog standard, easy ride with light traffic and no fuss, other than:

I was cruising along in a bus lane near Shebu, with a car to my right, when a scooter went between us, horn blaring.

“WTF? I’m not having this!” – I was doing nothing wrong. So, I chased him down. Over the noise of his buzzbox I yelled “Calm the fsck down man!” and carried on past. He passed me again, a little later and waved. I smiled and waved back. Ahhh.. one big happy road using family. If more people admitted they were wrong and apologised (ha! I can talk!) then life on the roads would be much sweeter for all.

That has to be a new record. For the simple fact that it’s the first time I bothered timing the new commute. I think it’s also the first timed commute on the Ribble.

I haven’t timed a ride for months now. Very unlike me to be so uncaring about my ride data but there’s a reason. More than one reason actually:

Traffic lights: My 12.5k W5 to NW1 commute has me hitting 64 traffic lights. That’s a set of lights every 200m!!

How the hell are you supposed to obey the law (which I tend to do) AND set a good time?

It also puts into perspective Melbourne red light jumpers – damn, if ONLY I had the luxury of 1k or more between traffic lights.

Pedestrians: Someone seems to have trained London pedestrians to be dumber than the sheep I often refer to them as. As if the traffic lights weren’t bad enough peds without a coffee under their belt wander out onto the road, forgetting that cars/buses/trucks/bikes use the same area of black tarmac. Of course, these peds, gifted with the spacial awareness not dissimilar to that of a tin of mushy peas, increase the premiums on their life insurance policies by stepping out from behind the unlit trees 50m from the pedestrian crossing (which has lights of course!). Layered in black, save for the “I’m a total cock – look at me” ipod headphones jammed in their heads to kill the noise of the horns and swearing cyclists. My personal favourite are the individuals within the crowd that look at you as you approach and decide to ‘go for it’ anyway, forcing you out into the heavier traffic.

Cars: “I’ll run you over. I don’t give a shit!”. That comment from a female driver was aimed at me and pretty much sums up the attitude of some of the drivers here. I really thought I’d got away from all that attitude when I moved to cycling-mad Europe. It seems that you need to cross the channel before the “cycling-mad” kicks in. Here it is often “cycling? mad!”. For some reason, stopping in the middle of the road, blocking mad woman’s path and retorting with “Go on, do it then!” wasn’t enough encouragement for her to complete the threat.

Can you tell I’m a bit frustrated with cycling in London right now?

Perhaps it’s the change from fixie to the geared Ribble that brought this on (I’m working to replace the rear cartridge bearings on the Raleigh’s System-Ex hubs)?

Perhaps it’s the weather (this morning was lovely though, so I threw in a few laps of Regent’s Park to stretch the ride out).

Perhaps it’s the lack of more fulfilling rides on weekends (replaced with drinking to excess either Belgian beer or Polish vodka depending on the occasion)?

Silver Lining: I can put toe-warmers on my SPD-SLs without having to take them on and off every ride. I’m going to buy a Dinotte front light.

T447ACX – Red VW Polo. Is that enough information for defamation?

I should have let you call the police, woman. Not because you damaged my bike (it was minor damage). Not because you hit me with your car (it was minor bruising). No, I should have forgone my ride and let you call the police, in order that they may wipe the stupid, arrogant, holier-than-thou smile from your pathetic face.

As you don’t like swearing you should probably stop reading here – the following is likely to cause you offence.

I must apologise for dropping “fscking” into a sentence after you had just driven your car into me, I didn’t realise you were “not used to that sort of language”.

Guess what? I’m not fscking used to having cars driven into me!!!

You fscking pillock, YOU hit ME with your car and then have the nerve to complain about my choice of adjectives!!!

Fsck you!

I’m not sure which village you failed your license test in but for your information I was riding where I was supposed to be riding – as far left as I deemed to be safe. I had plenty of room and ’twas a lovely day. All you had to do was be patient or perhaps take your time and use your mirrors and then indicate before turning into me. It’s only the fact that I was travelling relatively slowly and managed some amount of evasive action that you are not awaiting a court appearance date for a more serious act.

You know, I would’ve let this go, if you’d just asked if I was alright, said sorry and moved on. But you didn’t did you? What was it? Daddy a lawyer? Mummy a hard b1tch? Used to sticking up for Captain Macho who sat in the car for our entire argument? Oh, thanks to the guy on the bike who saw everything but I waved off after I’d self-assessed.

I was on the _outside_ of the road you defective idiot. I could not pass you on the inside due to the presence of right-turning cars. Did you spend too much time driving in France over summer or did someone swap your brain hemispheres?

“Next time you should use your indicators when you turn” I said, to which you replied “Indicators don’t mean anything in this country”

Well, golly gee, I’ll remember that the next time I feel like breaking a law that leads to someone’s injury and/or damage of their property! Thanks!

“Use your rear-view mirror next time!” was another statement I recall throwing out, as you harped on with your odd inside/outside logic, obviously unable to move your brain out of 1st gear.

And how did you reply to that? You laughed at me, you waste of fscking oxygen! With your I’m-British-not-Australian-so-my-English-is-superior “Ha Ha that’s not a rear-view mirror, the one inside is!”. You forced me to explain the concept of “rear-view.. as in.. a mirror allowing a person to look behind.. before they run someone over”.

You, my dear, are a sphincter. I hope your child grows up to be a cyclist.

I continued on after the incident and had a great couple of hours riding around Richmond Park. As usual my injuries are almost invisible so I have no cool bruises to show. *sigh* The Ribble is christened.