BR44b – The Half Pint

Perpetrators: DaveB, GPLama, hippy

Woke up after a crappy “on/off” sleep (waaay to gee’d up from Sunday..)

2pc Vegemite toast for brekkie.

Greased my nipples.. hey, this jersey chaffs!! 😛

Rolled out and started HRM.

Look down two minutes later to find HRM showing all 8’s.. WTF?

Press Start again.. HRM totally resets! ARRR!! CRAP! There goes yesterday’s race data!! WTF?!

Determined not to let it get to me I ride on, now with only a rough idea of the time since the clock reset to 10am. I reset my wheel circumference so I’d at least have accurate distance and speed measurements.

Ride past the clocktower in Ringwood and feel guilty about not participating in some kind of ANZAC service. Roll another 20m and, as if by magic, the guilt disappears 🙂 (I am a bad person..)

Arrived at Doncaster shopping centre with, I guess, 15min to spare. Rolled around not sure of exactly where the start point was, as I’d previously joined the bunch around Blackburn Rd.

Rolled over to 7-11 and took advantage of the 2-for-$4.50 offer on Powerade bottles. Tasted the Powerade. Regretted being such a tightarse. Bleh! Oh well.. I only wanted the salts not the flavour.

Rolling back towards Donkeyaster Mopping Polenta I spot a bike. It’s GPLama. Hiding in the bushes nearby was DaveB. Wait. Chat. Roll out when no one else arrives.

88.7kph down the fast hill, without trying as Dave said something about a sharp dropoff and road works cutting something.. I dunno.. wind noise! 😛

After the big climb (timed apparently, from, the Bus Stop – “The Rock”) we turned left instead of right at the round-a-bout. Lots of mostly downhill followed which was good for me – my legs still ‘tender’ from yesterday’s race.

107.9 down Foote St. (BULLCRAP!! Must be sensor glitch.. I did ‘see’ 88kph though)

Through lots of suburbs I’ll never remember and eventually deposited back around Doncaster, where we split.

On the way home, I decide to take it easy so ride no hands for a while.. At a set of lights (perhaps Blackburn Rd?) my front tyre suddenly goes squishy! WTF?! Puncture? Arrr!!

I check the tyre and see no evidence of a puncture so I pump it up and ride away – seems fine? Next set of lights.. stop.. flat front tyre!!! WTF?! It’s like the valve is operating on centrifugal(?) forces and opening every time I slow down.. kinda like Speed the movie just without a bomb! This is the weirdest ‘flat’ I’ve ever had!

I pump the tyre up a second time and this time I hammer. Any time I come to a set of lights I find another way around that doesn’t involve stopping or I time my arrival so I get a green light.. crazyness!! I make it the rest of the way home without having to inflate the tyre – it _must’ve_ been a valve issue! :S

Eat some Vegemite toast, drink some Ice Break IC, type this while thinking about the Snickers in the cupboard and a shower.. mmm.. shower.. what a top idea!

I think I recovered most of the Polar data from the “glitch” and now present the stats:

Distance: ~71.2k

Time: 2h:53m

Almost the perfect race! Fast, No B-graders, perfect leadout for a bunch sprint. If only I wasn’t slower than those four guys in front of me! 🙂

I’d been beating myself up about this race all week, worried that B-graders would sneak down a grade and steal another potential result. That didn’t happen. The last race was just what a C grade race should be – standard ~40kph pace, a few break attempts that get chased down almost before they begin, some pedal clashes on corners, a crash and me not quite getting in the money 🙂

Race morning: Listened to some Megadeth, Sepultura and some Stamba electro mixes (strange combo I know!) to fire me up. Leave a bit later than usual so I’m not riding for an hour to get there and THEN doing another hour of “warm up”!

At Glenvale Crescent the “BR” cheer squad, flyingdutch and Gags are quickly spotted.Lindsay and Jazmo appear on the line. Louise is being a wuss bag and riding D-grade 😛 The other two Bourke’s, Brian and Sean are racing C. DaveB is racing in his first crit and has also entered D grade.

On the way to the race I’d decided that I was NOT going to chase a damn thing. If someone wanted to win in a breakaway, so be it. So, for the majority of the race I sheltered in the bunch, reacting to the surges and keeping an eye on anyone who looked threatening. The pace seemed consistent all through the race. It was obvious there were no B-grade time trialists in the field this week!!

Inevitably the pace hotted up towards the business end of the race and at one stage I managed to lighten my pedals a smidge with a nice “corner grind”. Gets people off your wheel quick!! haha! 😛

3-to-go was called early at 47min. There was brief uncertainty about this but the pace soon increased to reflect the impending chaos.. It didn’t matter (this time!) as I was up near the front. Saw a clear bit of road and moved up around the outside of some more riders.

With 2-laps-to-go I heard a nasty crash behind me on turn 3. Cringe, thank Lord Shimano it wasn’t me and race on.. I later found out it was Dutchy! Poor bastard! Good into to C-grade. :S

Bell Lap: Gags and Jazmo had also come to the sharp end and saw that I was trying to move further up. Gags motioned me to sit on his wheel, which I did. He then powered up the field. We passed a few riders and on the back-straight it was Jaz, Gags, 2 guys and me as I’d lost Gags’s wheel at some point. It didn’t matter, because Jaz and Gags did an awesome job to deposit me in the optimum position of 3rd place, ready for the final corner and sprint.

There wasn’t the usual ‘last corner bunch storming’ so it was still Rider 1, Rider 2 and yours truly after the last corner.

2nd wheel made a move around the guy in front and I accelerated to go around him too.

We stayed like this almost to the line – I just wasn’t able to get past these riders! Then, perhaps I slowed or whatever, but two guys just STORMED in from behind me! Arrgh! Bastards!! That was MY place!! Oh well.. race was run and I didn’t have a place to show for it. It went almost perfectly and I was, surprisingly, very happy about the whole thing! Yay for not being a bitter loser this week! 🙂

I feel bad for Jaz and Gags, not taking a place higher than 5th, after their self-sacrifice to get me in the perfect spot. If we race together again I’ll be more than willing to punch a hole through the wind for both of them!

After the race I caught up with a bunch of racer buddies while A & B grades circulated. Eventually, everyone had talked enough crap, prize money was collected and off a bunch of us rolled.

I heard a “Seeya Stuey!” as everyone except me turned left near The Glen, and that was that. Possibly the last time I’ll see any of these guys and my last race.. .. for now..

No race stats because my Polar went nutso before I retrieved the data from it :S (I heard the average speed was 39.x)

Photos of the C and D grade races here:

https://thehippy.net/gallery/thumbnails.php?album=98

Thanks to a.b rider “essendon93” for taking these!

I managed to restore the Polar data, so race stats are:

Distance: 34.5k

Avg. Speed: 39.9kph (actually a bit faster, stop delay)

Avg. HR: 172bpm (snore.. piece of piss!)

Max. HR: 202bpm (see.. I WAS trying in the sprint! :P)

Temp: 23degC

Yeah.. you.. C-grader my arse!

Wins C grade and then races B grade straight after.. driving the bunch into the wind.. not a chance in hell he’s a C-grader. Cheat. (self-censored)

–

Ahh.. now that that’s out of the way and a day has passed.. here’s a more detailed race report:

Listen to Megadeth’s “Rust In Peace” for a pre-race psych up.

Ride to Glenvale, arrive way too early (8am) for the 9am start.

Ride around with Mal for a bit and not-so-casually ask if there’s gonna be a B-grader in C-grade again this week. He tells me “No, he’s been bumped up”. Cool I think, I’m back in with a chance.

Ride around some more chatting to people, upping the pace just before the start, so race pace isn’t a shock.

Eat a snake 5min before start.

Wait for the ‘start shuffle’ to happen as everyone finds their position in the bunch.

“I don’t frickin believe it” I think, as I spot the Freedom Machine rider who should be in B-grade!

I thought I’d make use of him and stuck to his back wheel like glue.. well.. like glue that eventually comes unstuck, as after a few laps I lost his wheel on a corner and he took ‘that’ brief oppurtunity to launch his attack – I didn’t see him again.

The rest of the race was a sad example of people unwilling to do any work to catch the break. Why the hell do these people pay money to soft-pedal around the circuit while a break is getting away? Did they not know he was the rider that kicked everyone’s arse the week before and that, no, he wouldn’t just give up and let us reel him in like most other breaks?

It was pathetic – myself, Brian, and maybe another guy and girl were doing big turns at the front. We’d roll off, trashed from riding into a strong headwind, only to find the schmuck behind coasting around like they were riding to the shops for milk.

This happened for quite a while, while I got more and more angry and used more and more energy. Carl was shouting the gap times to us: “20sec”, “22sec”, “25sec”, “30sec”, “25sec” etc. All this while I’m getting more trashed and the bunch is twiddling its thumbs. It would’ve been easier to simply collect their donations at the start and hand them straight over to the place getters. They weren’t racing.

I got so pissed off I actually started yelling at people to work (something I don’t think I’ve ever done) and when that failed I told myself “fuck it” and raced off the front, getting a half lap gap, only to be reeled back in.

“Oh, so you fuckers in the bunch will chase me down but you wont fucking work to get back the winning break! Frickin’ wankers!!”.

I basically give up. There’s only a few minutes to go. NOW these idiots in the bunch start to up the pace!

Shit! 3 laps to go, they’ve already let the break go and now they want to sprint for 4th and 5th! IDIOTS!!!

In the end I was quite a way back after doing ANOTHER turn and my sprint started too far back. Probably 6th in the bunch but it was a half-hearted effort (actually, it seemed like my HRM was reading 180-200bpm for most of the race, so not THAT half-hearted).

I later find out that the initial break was two riders (as I knew) but they were later joined by three more. Probably just after Brian and I had done big turns to start dropping the split – thanks, love your work, losers.

The second placed rider was a.b’s Jazmo who said he struggled to hold FM gyu’s wheel! Two or three of the riders that bridged pulled out with 2 laps to go as well! That’s how hot the pace was in the break.

In the end, I think FM guy actually broke away from the break and won solo – that is not a C-grade rider.

I was furious.. for the second week in a row.. beaten by a cheat.

Freedom Machine cheat then went on to ride in B grade (apparently did the same the week before – how does someone race B AND C grades!!!???) and he wasn’t just sitting in the bunch, this scumbag was driving the bunch into the headwind, AFTER our race!!

I was destroyed. I actually had to get off my bike on the way home because I was cramping up so hard I couldn’t pedal. I rarely have a problem with cramps (high fat, high sugar, high salt diet.. mmm!) but I think the effort on Sunday was a bit much for my body.

I had a rotten post-race hangover for the rest of the day – walking around like I was a zombie, barely able to see, drinking loads of saline to stave off the cramps.. I was a mess. An angry mess.

I was riding back from my LBS. I get tooted from behind. Not a friendly toot but one of those “I’m a driver here me roar” toots from some moron.

I ride on, noting their rego as they turn. Another thing I note is the fact that they just turned into the carpark area behind the shops.

“Oh goody”, I think as I ride further up the street and do a u-turn, sure that I’ll soon be able to kick the mirrors off their Commodore (Note: I wouldn’t actually do that for a toot but I wanted them to know I could).

Sure as shit, the female driver and male passenger are standing at their car – guess they thought I might come back 🙂

“You should be careful who you toot your horn at”, I mention casually, at the same time, glaring like I want to smear their blood over their car.

“You were in the middle of the road”, the slapper replies.

“One, I was not in the middle of the road and two, it doesn’t matter if I was, I’m ALLOWED to be there – you were behind me, you have to wait.”

“He’s right”, says the male passenger.

“I’ve said my bit, now, take care.” I say, calm as fsck, like a serial killer.

With any luck they might not be so willing to hassle the next cyclist they see fearing ‘carpark vengeance’.

10min mark – no water left! 30degC morning.. suffering thanks to Freedom Machine sandbagger who strung field out.

Field rests for a bit mid-race. Not enough for me though.

The crazy start from the sandbagger meant I was just hanging on and had nothing left for sprint. Mid-field finish.

Having no water didn’t help. I might remember to fill up before the next race!

For more detailed (whinging) see aus.bicycle

Yeah.. so I notice my tyre is flat. I brought the bike into work last night and it seems to have gone down over-night. Must be all that over-inflation I’ve been putting it through before races:

“Just a.. few… more….. pou..nds! Ahh.. There we go!“

Head down the road to Lawrencia Cycles and ask for a 700C tube..

That’s $12.50 thanks.

Jeezuss!

I recoil in horror, only just managing to stop my head spinning around 360 degrees.

I hand over the money reluctantly, knowing it’s double what I usually pay, knowing I have a bunch of repaired and unrepaired spares at home, knowing that there are other bike shops but they are all outside walking distance, knowing that this shop always overcharges because they are in the Yuppie Zone(tm), knowing that I need to ride because it’s been too long and I have a 24hr race on the weekend, knowing that if I don’t buy it now I wont fix it and I wont ride home which will suck my motivation to train tonight..

With a week and a half off the bike and plenty of cold symptoms still present I still wanted to race. On the way to Glenvale I think I coughed up half a kilo of snotty gunk, which was good, as I could actually breathe during the race. My HR was pretty elevated which wasn’t a good sign and today’s temp was going to be 34degC. (Ruby Rhod) “hot hot hot!” (/Ruby Rhod)

The race itself was messy. People taking stupid risks early on, when there’s no point in doing so. Some riders don’t even seem to be able to ride in a straight line! I was playing it safe and staying on the outside, probably copping more wind than I should, because 1) I’m a chicken and 2) I’m not going to win if someone takes me down am I?!

With 3-to-go I’m around 10th wheel and move up. 2-to-go and the bunch is slowing down and widening until someone jumps. I delay briefly and then go, getting myself into 4th wheel or thereabouts.

On the final lap the bunch slows and spreads wide again – no one wants to lead out. Someone will go soon it’s just a question of who..

A rider is out of the saddle.. bam.. I’m up there. Last corner is relatively clean, from up the front, and now it’s a long sprint to the line – a simple matter of sustainable power.

Power I’m just not able to muster today. I give it a go but I’m passed by a few riders and just don’t have the lung capacity or leg strength to do anything about them.

At the end I count five riders over the line in front of me – I’m actually pretty bloody happy with 6th given my preparation (none) and how I was feeling on the day (ill). My HR just after crossing the line was up around 201bpm!! So, it’s not like I wasn’t trying!

Now, I’m trying to suss out why I felt ratshit all Sunday after a 9am race. I thought I was doing okay with post-race rehydration: ~1L Staminade+Saline mix, 1.25L mineral water, couple of 600ml bottles of water and then when nothing was working a 600ml bottle of gatorade, ice packs on my head, icy pole and ice cream.

That’s a lot of fluid! Unfortunately, all of this managed to do nothing towards making me feel any better. I looked like a mess staggering around with bloodshot eyes (no bong in sight! :P) and I spent all day on the couch watching episodes of “LOST”.

People tell me it’s heatstroke or migraine, etc.. but I don’t know. I just seem to be punished no matter how much I drink. Perhaps my brain gets fried and just needs time to cool down? No wonder I can’t count laps! My brain is a giant roast lamb!

“Where’s the race report?” you ask.

I was a good boy and didn’t go to Goat on Friday night because I was coming down with a cold and didn’t want to push my luck for racing Sunday.

Saturday morning, I had planned to ride to sprint training with my camcorder and film Cam running the session for his coaching accreditation. Discovering the BOM radar map was covered with rain patches I decided to drive, rather than sit around wet for two hours.

Rugged up, I recorded the session and went home. That’s when it all went down hill.

A rotten headache, full cold symptoms (snotty, coughing yuckiness) and nasty muscle aches to boot.

With some encouragement from Tee, I finally relented and sucked down some drugs. They helped.

Waking to the 6am Race Day alarm, I realised there was no way I was even going to leave the house on foot, let alone race! I was wrecked. Lots of neck/back pain, massive thumper of a headache, sniffin’ ‘n’ coughin’ mess.

Popping another codeine+paracetamol tablet with some OJ, I went back to bed. That lasted all of about 5 minutes, at which point, I had to rush to the toilet and spew up the contents of my stomach. Yay! Now all I have to wait for is limbs to start falling off..

The rest of Sunday I’m stuck in bed, repeating the OJ -> spew move once more.

Around 4pm I’m feeling a bit better and decide to stuff a whole bunch of hot-cross buns down my gob. Hopefully, if I eat enough, my body will be too busy digesting them to think about spewing. It works and now I just feel like shit but haven’t had to spew again..

So much for my birthday victory at Glenvale.. it’ll have wait until next week. What a fscked weekend! 🙁

Sunday 27th Feb, Glenvale Crescent:

Feeling crap before the start again.. Get rolling and initially I’m doing it easy and holding a good position.

With the construction equipment messing with turn one there’s some cornering issues. Following the lead of the guy in front of me, I lock up to avoid him.

Then I drop off the back of the field trying to work out if my tyre is about to explode – It did feel weird, really!

Get back on to find the pace has risen substantially (driven by Gordon Minty and co.). I’ve lost my nerve a bit and struggle to get back in where I need to be.

I waste energy with poorly thought out moves that don’t help me move up much at all. I’m not liking this.

At 43min 3-to-go is up. WTF?! There should be another 7min before that! I panic a bit because I’m too far back to do well in the sprint. In my haste to get to the front I waste lots of juice.

I do actually make it to 3rd wheel, which in hindsight wasn’t a bad effort, but with half a lap to go the two riders in front of me peel off leaving me setup as leadout for the field.

“Stuff this!” I pull over and give up. Someone behind sooks because he’s lost his leadout sucker, but as if I give a shit, I’m not racing for some schmuck when I’m toast. I’m not at all happy with this week’s race – I messed it up and it ruined my chance of a win double. I’m still beating myself up over my crap racing today..

Not to self: Get over it loser and frickin’ win it next week! BEEFCAKE BEEFCAKE!

Sometimes I just don’t know.. why I bother. It doesn’t matter how much people are encouraged to cycle rather than drive they just don’t listen. Even if 50% of the drivers suddenly switched to using bikes, it would be the smart 50% and we’d still have a load of morons left driving around.

Morons like the arse-clown that tried to push me into the gutter tonight. Captain Ignorant changes lanes into me without indicating.

What was it they drilled into me during driving lessons before getting my license?

That’s right – do your head checks!

Mr. Arse-clown, turn you stupid goit head and open your stupid goit eyes, after using your indicator to signal your intention to move across. Don’t just fricking drive into me you stupid *&%$!

I caught this tin can operating reject at the lights and gave him a serve (no contact to me, just a fright and loss of rubber, poor ProRace) and he reacted like I was crazy (which is somewhat true) – he didn’t appear to know what the hell was going on. I wanted him to get angry, so I could rip out his %$#*@^#@ eyeballs and give them to his passenger as a birthday gift, but he didn’t. He got the message about looking and indicating though. So did the twenty or so other people within earshot of my yelling.

This whole episode just made me angry and depressed.. kinda like normal.. just more angry and depressed..

People with a gun license don’t wave their firearms around at other shooters, why the hell do drivers point their cars at me?